Everything is wrong with me
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
hiatus until 12/14
I will be on hiatus until next Wednesday, December 14. That means I won’t be posting again until that day.

I have some deadlines approaching for a project and since I can’t get done any work in NYC, I’m going down the shore. In the summer, North Wildwood, NJ is bumping: seasonal tourists fill the streets, drinking with abandon, speaking in thick South Philly accents, and getting into fights. In the winter, it’s a ghost town. There’s only one bar, one liquor store, one restaurant, and a Wawa (Philly’s localized version of 7-11) open, so I will be distraction-free. Except for the fights, which I think are a year-round thing. Sounds great, doesn’t it?

What’s more, I won’t have internet access. At all. Well, that’s not true; I’ll have internet through my Treo, but that is very limited to begin with and I can’t imagine how good my reception will be down the shore anyway. The prospect of no internet is both terrifying and liberating. I have a feeling that by Day Two of my self-imposed exile I’ll either be in the grips of a complete nervous breakdown (who’s going to check up on my fantasy basketball team to see in Andrei Kirilenko starts actually making shots?) or I’ll be skipping along the beach playing a flute followed by a line of dancing orphan children (an internet icon without his internet is a freedom most men can never know).

But I ask that during this hiatus you do not email me. I’ve been very bad with email recently because a) I’ve had to cut back on my time responding to emails to work on my other stuff; b) about three weeks ago, every spammer in the world simultaneously discovered my site, so I’m getting inundated with emails with subjects like “)*&@*)&^#($(!” So please don’t email during the hiatus unless you have something supremely important to tell me or you just took an especially hot picture of yourself in the shower and want to share it with me. Dig?

To be honest, I’ll be worried about some people while I’m on this hiatus. I’ll worry about my friends, who will have no one to email them at 1 in the afternoon to remind them that he just woke up and has no plans other than to make a giant sandwich and possibly shower. I’ll worry about my roommate Brian, who will have no one to clean up after him, do his dishes, and buy all the toilet paper for the apartment (but then Brian will probably be glad that someone isn’t sitting in the bathroom playing Monopoly on his cell phone from 7pm until 11pm every night). And I’ll worry about the people who are paying me for this project, who will be sitting in offices in New York and Los Angeles, unable to get in touch with me, convinced that I’m sitting in a dark room drinking cheap vodka and crying because “I just can’t do it” as they frantically try to stop payment on the checks they’ve given me.

(Oh wait – I haven’t received ANY checks yet and am as poor now as I was in college. Thanks again guys for really taking care of me. See you in court.)

But I’m not worried about you guys. It’s only a week and it’ll go by quickly. Besides, it’s the holiday season, so you can get over your boredom at work by looking on the internet for gifts – for me. I take either an XL or and XXL and though my favorite color is green (or blue), my favorite color to wear is black. It’s slimming.

Have a good week. I promise that I will miss you much more than you will miss me. And wish me luck. Because lord knows I need it.

(Seriously, I need a lot of luck. So send it this way. Thank you.)

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