Everything is wrong with me
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
some world series-related thoughts
1) Do black people go to Astros games, or is that not allowed? Was it “White Night” at Minute Maid last night? I think I saw maybe a half dozen black people in the stands at the game last night, although most of the time it was only a quick glimpse so they could have been really tan Italian or Greek guys. Did anyone else notice this, or am I just sensitive because I’m been secretly dating a hot black chick?

2) Why do so many players have trouble being called off pop ups? Why do easy pop ups so often end in collisions or near-collisions between players? Do the players not hear each other saying “I got it?” Is it an ego thing? Do they get an extra $100 per pop up? When I was in Little League, I used to let my teammates go after pop ups all the time and it was not a hard thing to do. I mean, fundamentals, people. If one guy says “I got it”, let him take it. This is not hard.

3) What the fuck is wrong with Dustin Hermanson’s goatee? Are those white splotches on his chin or is he trying to do some AJ from the Backstreet Boys-type thing? Judging from this picture from when he was in Boston, I think he likes the AJ carved goatee look. Either way it looks ridiculous.

4) Craig Biggio is a very easy player to root for. Not only does he consistently produce despite being 5’1” and not having a batting helmet that actually fits him, but he’s a class act too. His wife was in the stands in Chicago for Game Two and was slapped by a (male) White Sox fan. Biggio went into the press and said it wasn’t a big deal and that he wasn’t going to judge all the ChiSox fans because of the actions of some jerk. Good for him. If someone hit my wife, I would have taken him into my basement and raped him with a shoehorn, but that’s just me.

5) AJ Piersynzkeisni looks like a real asshole. I know every team he’s played for has hated him and I can see this in his face. Something about the smug look he has screams, “I am a real douche.” I just want to punch him in his fucking face. And he doesn’t even owe me money.

6) Paul Konerko has a really unfortunate bald spot. I’m trying to thing of what celebrity he looks like with curly hair and the bald spot, but I don’t have anything (Steve Guttenberg maybe?). But regardless, he’ll be able to afford plenty of Rogaine come this winter.

7) I know the Sports Guy talks about this a lot, but the incessant promos for Fox shows are going beyond advertising and entering the world of psychological manipulation or even hypnosis. My god, enough already with “Bones” and “House” and “Prison Break”. If you’re going to promote at least one of these shows during EVERY commercial, can you at least make several commercials for each? Like maybe show one “Prison Break” commercial wherein the protagonist is sitting on the toilet in his cell pooping and the narrator says, “He broke into to prison to break out his brother. But he never realized how embarrassing shitting in front of another man is. [pause for six seconds while camera closes up on guy shitting with his head in his hands] Boy this is uncomfortable.”

8) I’m glad the Astros got rid of the playoff beards. This ain’t hockey, geeks: you’re wearing tights and hitting a little white ball. So dispense with the lumberjack look.

9) I’m sorry, but any pitcher with bleach blond hair doesn’t scare me. Houston’s Mike Gallo has hair whose color can best be described as “lemon.” And though he did his job, he looked ridiculous doing it. Guys, no hair dyeing. C’mon. You should know better than this.

10) Heck of a Series so far, despite the 3-0 Sox lead. But we’ve got to try to limit the extra inning games. I like baseball as much as the next guy, but after four hours, things get kinda blurry and I start zoning out. I think the ‘Stros win tonight, but then the Sox finish it in Houston tomorrow night. And I know a lot about sports, so feel free to wager on this if you like.

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