Everything is wrong with me
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
 
ouch
From country star Chris Cagle's website:
To All My Loyal Music Fans:

"As many of you are aware, I had been anxiously awaiting the addition of a new baby to my life. The baby has been born and both mother and child are in good health. Since the birth, however, we have discovered that biologically, the child is not mine.

As excited as I was about becoming a new father, my disappointment is equally as strong. So out of respect for all that are involved, please allow this situation to remain private and know that I will not be commenting further on this very personal matter. I'm thanking you in advance for your kind cooperation and understanding."

Chris Cagle
Um, ouch. I'm not sure which is worse: finding out that the baby you thought was yours is not actually yours or finding out that the baby you thought was yours is not actually yours and posting it on your website.

I think I'd have taken a different tone if I were Chris Cagle. Something like:
To All My Loyal Music Fans:

"As many of you are aware, I had been anxiously awaiting the addition of a new baby to my life. The baby has been born and both mother and child are in good health. Since the birth, however, we have discovered that biologically, the child is not mine. Yes, you read that correctly.

As excited as I was about becoming a new father, my disappointment is equally as strong. And by that I mean I threw my 'wife' down a flight of stairs and set her car and most of her clothes on fire after learning of this development. Please do not misunderstand me; I do not, in any way, condone spousal abuse. Never in my life had I laid hands on a woman. But you'd be surprised what you can do when you learn that your baby isn't yours because your 'wife' can't stop fucking everything in her line of vision.

[I use quotations around the word 'wife' because I though this child was 'mine', and am not sure what to believe anymore. The only things I know now for sure is that whiskey soothes and pain is real.]

So out of respect for all that are involved, please allow this situation to remain private and know that I will not be commenting further on this very personal matter. In the meantime, I will be going to Mexico for the extended future, bringing only two handguns and $14,526 in cash. By next Friday, I hope to be known to the locals as 'El Gringo de la Muerte'. I also hope to have collected the pieces of my shattered psyche by noon PST on Wednesday, October 26, 2005. If not, please turn on CNN or your local news station at that time. And may God help the citizens of Cuernavaca, the Mexican State Police, and Steve Winwood and the other members of Traffic.

I'm thanking you in advance for your kind cooperation and understanding."

Chris Cagle
Yeah, that's more like it.



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