Everything is wrong with me
Monday, September 12, 2005
 
QLBC, a follow-up
There was quite a response to Friday's post about the Quantum Leap Cock Block theory. It was quite lovely to get all the emails on a Friday, when there are usually so few people reading it seems like I'm talking to myself (as you are all aware, I track my site statistics religiously and viewing them usually leads to my hand and my bird wrestling each other, locked in a mortal battle to the death).

The gist of these reactions was attacks on both me and JC for being - for lack of a better word - men. Maybe, they said, our female protagonist didn't have sex with JC again because he was a bad lay, or he was more of a dick to her post-coitus than he let on, or she simply didn't want to do him again, or maybe she was just drunk the first time, or maybe just looking for a one night stand. Why, they asked, did I and JC immediately assume that just because he couldn't do her again it was because of some grand philosophical issue? Why, they continued, do guys consistently need to make excuses when they don't get laid?

Ladies, we do this precisely because we are – for lack of a better word – men. We are insecure and just as dramatic as you all are. We get flustered in the face of rejection and half-assedly search for answers. And we are incapable of understanding why, when we have had sex with a woman, she won't have sex with us again. We don't understand what the big deal is; the hardest part is the first kiss, the first hook-up, the first love makin'. Shouldn't it follow that once that first one is in the books, the next should follow with ease? When it doesn't happen like this, we are at a complete and total loss.

So we invent things like the Quantum Leap Cock Block theory. And all things considered, I think it is a good theory and makes sense. Sure, the reason for JC not getting any was probably much simpler, but the important thing is that the QLCB allows JC to transfer responsibility for his lack of lovin' from himself and his own actions to a deeper, immutable law of the universe. And that, in and of itself, is all we men ever want to do: make excuses for our own sexual/relationship deficiencies. But please don't blame us. Blame our testes and penii. We simply can't control them.

I hope this short explanation answers some of your criticisms and preempts future emails on the subject. I also hope each of you is having as shitty a Monday as I am having. Until tomorrow, then.



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