Everything is wrong with me
Friday, September 16, 2005
nfl picks, week two
I'm very busy today and so can't do a big one for you now (will try to get more on later), but here's something you might like.

I've decided that for the rest of the season I'm going to pick NFL games on Friday (queue female readers groaning in disgust). I may have other posts on Friday, but at the very least I'll be getting my picks on here, with an update on the previous week's.

But there's a twist. In order to a) make it interesting for non-sports people and b) to prove that gambling is all luck anyway, all season long I'm going to pick games against someone who knows pretty much nothing about football: my mom.

My mom is not a sports person. Don't get me wrong - she knows a bit about sports by association. She does live in Philly after all, a town obsessed with da Iggles. She knows who Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens are and knows that we lost the Super Bowl last year. But that's about it; she's more likely to know how good or bad her famous chocolate chip cake turned out for the Super Bowl party than the score of the game.

When I first emailed her about this idea, she was completely and utterly confused. I had to quickly call her to do some damage control to assure her that this was going to be easy and it's just a friendly competition and no, I do not have a gambling problem.

So after explaining to her for a good ten minutes all about the magical world of gambling, spreads, home field advantage, she said, "Well, I'm just gonna pick which one I like." My mother - like most mothers, I would guess - likes teams based on their names and colors. For example, she's a big fan of the Dolphins, because she really likes the teal, orange, and white combination (this proving that the Dolphins have the gayest color combination in all of sports - nothing says "We're a bunch of pansies" more than the Dolphins unis). She also thinks "Titans" is a good name for a football team.

And so it begins. Last week, I was 3-2, a surprising 66% correct. But we're wiping the slate clean this week so that we can have the ultimate gambling showdown: me vs. mom.

Here are my picks:

JETS -6 over Dolphins
Ravens -4 over TITANS
Steelers -6 over TEXANS
COLTS -9 over Jaguars
BEARS +2 over Lions
Vikings +3 over BENGALS
EAGLES -13.5 over 49ers
Bills +2.5 over BUCS
Patriots -3 over PANTHERS
SEAHAWKS pk over Falcons
Rams +1 over CARDINALS
PACKERS -6.5 over Browns
Chargers +3 over BRONCOS
RAIDERS +1.5 over Chiefs
SAINTS +3 over Giants
COWBOYS -6 over Redskins

And here are my mom's picks:

Dolphins +6 over JETS
TITANS +4 over Ravens
Steelers -6 over Texans
COLTS -9 over Jaguars
Lions -2 over BEARS
Vikings +3 over BENGALS
EAGLES -13.5 over 49ers
BUCS -2.5 over Bills
Patriots -3 over PANTHERS
Falcons pk over SEAHAWKS
CARDINALS -1 over Rams
Browns +6.5 over PACKERS
BRONCOS -3 over Chargers
Chiefs -1.5 over RAIDERS
SAINTS +3 over Giants
COWBOYS -6 over Redskins

The good news is that we picked 9 of the 16 games differently, so it should be interesting.

My ultimate hope is that this innocent lil' competition will open up a whole new world for my mom, exposing her to the dangerous underbelly that is gambling, so much so that eight months from now, she and I will be at the track together hiding in the parking lot from bookies and their goons. However, I realize that you must walk before you run, so let's take it one step at a time.

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