Everything is wrong with me
Monday, June 27, 2005
 
press and crap
I wasn't planning on writing today, because as you may have noticed, since I've stopped writing every day, Monday has become my day of rest. But anytime I can talk about how great I am, well, you know I'm gonna do it. Welcome to the "manic" portion of our manic depression.

(That is a horrible first sentence. The cadence is weird and there are too many commas. Ugh. This is why I don't post on Monday.)

Anyway, I've gotten some press lately that I wanted to share with you all, mostly so I can get in your pants.

1) On Friday, our lil' blog was featured in the official blog of The Philadelphia Inquirer, Blinq. You can view the entry here.

2) I was also in a small feature in Sunday's edition of The Philadelphia Inquirer that talked about the three Philly guys who made People's "Top 50" list. You can view the write-up here (keep scrolling, all the way down - there you go).

What you can't see on this page is this picture that was used, the same one from the Gelf interview. This picture was printed in the article in hard-copy, but it's not on the internet.

What's lost on my parents and family in this whole process is the joke inherent in the fact that I've been named as one of the "hottest" bachelors, because I AM NOT HOT. In any way. Like, not even close. I'm not even the "hottest" person in my family (my brother is better-looking and now the good news: he's bisexual).

So with all these interviews and media requests, I intentionally sent out this picture. I wanted something that said less "I'm hot" and more "I'm a convicted sex offender who once beat a homeless man to death with a cue ball in a sock". So viola.

But my family doesn't get this. My dad called me on Sunday afternoon from Philly (being in NYC, I didn't see the article):

Dad: "Jas, you're in the paper, but this picture is horrible."
Me: "Is it the one where I have a moustache?"Dad: "Yeah. You look scary. And bald. It's really bad."
Me: "Well Dad, it's a joke. I mean, I have a moustache in the picture!" [forgetting my dad has a moustache and thus thinks it's totally acceptable and probably doesn't see the humor in me having one]
Dad: "Well the joke's on you, because you look terrible."

About an hour later, my mom called:

Mom: "Jas, did you see this picture?"Me: "Yeah, Mom. And I used it on purpose as a joke."
Mom: "A joke? What do you mean?"Me: "I mean I'm not 'hot', so I purposely sent a picture of me looking creepy to sort of make fun of it."
Mom: "Jas, you are very good-looking. Don't be silly. I think you should try to be on 'The Bachelor.'"
Me: "I have to go."

3) Lastly, I was in the Metro in Boston, New York, and Philadelphia this morning. You can log-in to their site to check it or view it here.

I think this is a pretty funny article, as Dorothy Robinson captures it pretty well. Good for her. I've already gotten in touch with her and she's agreed to write my biography, Jason Mulgrew: He STINKS, after my premature death at age 29 (think: hot nacho cheese, roller skates, abandoned mine).

Many, many thanks to publicist-extraordinaire Holly Russel for all this. Holly's been very helpful in this whole process and I am very much indebted to her. And after a series of intense negotiations, she has agreed to be my full-time publicist, and will hence be known as Publicist Holly (although I'm pretty sure we're at minute fourteen of my fifteen minutes, but I digress). She drove a hard bargain, but she's joining the team (along with Site Guy Brendan and myself) for six pints of Stella a month. I don't know how I'm going to afford her, but damn she's good.

(And don't tell Site Guy Brendan this; he's only getting four Heinekens and a bacon, egg and cheese a month. He'd be pissed if he knew Holly was making more than him. God, managing people is so hard.)

And a personal thank you to you all, as we have reached a pretty major milestone: for the month of June, we have over one million hits. Naysayers will say, nayingly, "Well, that's probably because you were in People, asshole." This is true, but in the month of May, before I was named "Sexiest Man Alive or Dead With a Criminal Record", we had 780,000 hits, so it's not that much of a statistical aberration. So without getting all soft on you, thank you for coming and continuing to come. The bad news is that my egotism knows no satiety, so keep fucking passing it on.

And I promise that pretty soon this People thing will blow over and I'll go back to being a fuck up. Not that I'm not a fuck up now, but you know what I mean. If you're sick of me talking about it, the end is near (not tomorrow though, I'll talk about it then too).

So thank you, godspeed, and all the best.

(Is anyone else amazed that I can have a million hits a month and still be a couple of hundred dollars in the hole for this website? Or is it just me? God, I need some sort of business manager or something. The position is available for anyone willing to work on a monthly salary of a bottle of white wine, two spaghetti and meatball dinners, a three handjobs. Please inquire within.)



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