Everything is wrong with me
Friday, May 27, 2005
brian's move, admin
My brother and my roommate Brian are a lot alike. They are both built the same, which is to say in much better shape than me, and so I hate them equally. They are both are uncomfortable around me. They are both are terribly unsmooth.

But there is another way in which they are similar that drives me crazy: they are almost too laid back. For example, my brother and I shared a room in The Bahamas this past summer. On the day we left, we were to be ready to board the shuttle to the airport at 1pm. I'm the type of guy who gets up three hours before, takes a long shower, diligently packs, eats, and takes his time to make sure things are done and everything is in order - which is what I did on this day. While I was scrambling around, my brother was sleeping off a hangover. He finally got up at about 12:50, threw his shit (which was scattered all over the room) in a bag, and got on the shuttle. This kind of shit drives me crazy.

Don't get me wrong - I think I'm a pretty laid back guy myself. But sometimes, when shit has to get done, I get a little crazy about it. Maybe it's the 6th grade overachiever in me, the one I managed to kill over the years with Budweiser, marijuana, and malaise, coming out, but I'm not sure. My enemies and former lovers have said quite a lot about me - I'm a terrible driver, I have a huge ego, I pee the bed, I'm incapable of any real emotion besides "fuck" and "eat", etc - but everyone who knows me knows that I take care of business. Always. Maybe it's because I'm a little anal-retentive, but whatever. When charged with a task, it will get done. Most likely poorly, but done nonetheless.

Take for another example our upcoming move, which is tomorrow. I have been preparing for this move for over a month. In late April I started cleaning my room and bathroom. In the beginning of May, I started packing non-essentials. Over the past few weekends, I have out of town friends with cars visit, and so I've done a few trips to the new place to move said non-essentials (Brian and I have actually had the key to the place since May 15 or so). Last Friday night, I went straight to the new place after work and spent five hours cleaning every inch of it - we're talking on my hands and knees with a bottle of Fantastik and a scrub brush cleaning, absolutely fucking going to town. The past week little by little I've packed up, and by last night the only things not packed or left in my room are a day's worth of clothes and some necessary toiletries. I even packed up toilet paper, thinking that if I poo between now and tomorrow, I'll just hop in the shower and rinse off. You know, like they do in Europe.

While I have been madly packing up, Brian has yet to do anything. It's not entirely his fault; he's been away a few weekends when I moved things and his work has been crazy and thus he hasn't been able to get down to the new place. But as of midnight last night, as I retired to my room for my "Thursday 12am Self-Love with Briana Banks" session, Brian's room looked like it had been ransacked by crackhead looking for drug money (or by me looking for my fucking Briana Banks tape). And he was not at all concerned.

As of right now, my parents are on the way up to NYC. When I get home in a few hours, the moving starts in earnest. Everything has to be packed up and we've got to finally do it. Ra-ra-ra - it's on.

And yet I know that there's an 80% chance that Brian is shirtless right now, standing in the middle of his disheveled room with Led Zeppelin blasting out of this computer, smoking pot and wondering where to begin. And it gives me a near embolism.

God I hate moving.


Two admin notes:

1) There will not be a post on Monday, as it's Memorial Day here in the US and thus I have off. The holiday was started in in 1866 and was originally held on May 5. However, Civil War-era dudes quickly realized this was Cinco de Mayo and moved the holiday to the last Monday in May so that they could drink all the tequila and Corona they wanted and not have to worry about honoring veterans. Memorial Day is more known now as the start of summer, the first weekend when tons of a-holes head to a beach near you to carry on and yell. I would be among these a-holes if I didn't have to move and the weather wasn't March-esque. But rest assured, I wouldn't go to the beach. There are just too many problems with that to list. Anyway, definitely no post on Monday.

2) As of about 8pm tonight, Site Guy Brendan will be out of the country, leaving US airspace and flying over the cold, dark Atlantic. He'll be gone for a week or so. The point? If the site crashes, I'll may not see y'all again for some time. Brendan gave me a little tutorial last night on what to do if the site goes down, but it was like trying to teach a St. Bernard to read the New York Times. If the site is down, come back in a few minutes. If you come back and it's still down, come back again later. If it's still down when you return, I'm not dead, and I'll be back later. Promise.

(But hopefully that won't happen)

[Have a good weekend]

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