Everything is wrong with me
Friday, May 06, 2005
 
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I don't usually talk about how many hits I get on this site, but I definitely do masturbate to them. Nothing gets me more aroused than seeing more and more people come to this site, and just one look at my site's web counter usually leads me to an intense self-love session, as I look over the rising number of unique visitors and say things like, "Lap it up, you sons of bitches" and "Sop it up like the pigs you are, you fucking assholes" the like, while vigorously bringing myself to climax.

Friday is usually the slowest day on the site, meaning that's when the least hits come in. At first, I thought this was strange, as many people I've met tell me they check the site once a week and on Friday, as they wait for the weekend and try to kill the day in any way possible. It took me some time and some emailing, but I figured out why Friday is my slowest day. When I post at 2pm on Friday in New York, it's 7pm/8pm in Europe and anywhere from 2am to 4am in Australasia (regions where I am so fucking hot - there is actually a street named after me in Taipei and a "Jason Mulgrew's Hair Salon and Other Shit" in Perth). Thus a noticeably smaller number of hits on Fridays.

That being said, I have already gotten a disproportionate number of hits today in the form of first time visitors, but I don't know where everyone is coming from. Usually this is easily tracked (i.e. when the NY Daily News gave me the shout-out and boatloads of people came over to be disgusted and disappointed), but in this instance I got nothing. I know it may sound amateurish - Internet Quasi-Celebrities (notice the caps) shouldn't concern themselves with a few hundred extra visitors - but my egotism/curiosity compels me to ask: where the hell are all you guys coming from on a Friday morning?

[Answer: fazed.net AND screenhead.com. Welcome. If you dig it, pass it on.]



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