Everything is wrong with me
Thursday, April 21, 2005
idiocy at its finest
I don't like anyone else's blogs (mostly). I don't read them because I don't care what's happening with you. I'm sorry, but it's true. Sure, I'll peruse, and I'll think either, "Why does the writer of this blog think people care about his recent trip to the grocery store or about how her niece is eight months old today?" But then I realize that not everyone is whoring themselves out for attention in an effort to rebuild their shattered self-esteem, and I calm down. Live and let live.

Then I'll read some of the "popular" blogs (i.e. blogs that get more or comparable hits to mine) and I'll think, "Good LORD - I'm so much better than these people (mostly), I want to explode. I don't give a shit about you and your hipster friends or your baby who looks like a monkey. Why do people read this crap? I mean, really? 20,000 hits a day? Am I missing something?" But then I realize that at this point fame is only months away for me (and if not fame, death), so I calm down. And I take some prescription pain killers. And I zone out. It's great.

But there are some blogs I enjoy. If there's one thing I've learned from building this soon-to-be-released links page, it's that there is some really funny shit out there. Not a lot, but a lot more than I thought.

I discovered one blog recently that has blown me away. It's titled "I Gargoyled". The description on the site says it all:

What is a Gargoyle? The Gargoyle is the exquisite art of shitting and throwing up-at the same time! Why did we choose to name this coordinated act the Gargoyle? Just ask any Ivy Leaguer or a Medieval cathedral frequenter-the pained facial expression and otherwordly squat posture found on stone Gargoyles exactly matches the facial expression and doubled over bodyature of an individual in the throws of crapping and barfing simultaneously. There are many varieties of Gargoyles!
The blog then goes on to list all types of Gargoyles, complete with pictures, rankings and analysis, and some of the dumbest comments I've ever read in my life. I hate to say "genius", because I reserve that word for myself, the guy who created those awesome "Can you hear me now?" commercials, and any woman that I talk to at a bar for more than six minutes -

Drunk girl: "So yeah, I don't know...I'm just trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Oh! I really like that show 'Meet the Barkers' - have you seen it? It's totally cool and so, so funny. The baby was a mohawk like his dad, the guy from like Bon Jovi or something! He is sooo cute!"
Me: [drunk, not listening, eyes half-closed but staring at her boobies] "I think you're a genius."

- but it's pretty fucking good. My favorite is the "Show Stopper" of 4/14. Be warned, it's possibly the dumbest shit I've ever read (and I've read some pretty dumb shit), but it's kept me entertained all morning/afternoon and is the reason why you all are not getting a proper post today. Check it out at http://igargoyled.blogspot.com/

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