Tuesday, February 08, 2005
This Sunday, February 13, is the one year anniversary our lovely little website here. I don't want to give away too much, but web site guy Brendan and I have something special planned, and if we are able to pull it off, I would truly be shocked. Between Brendan's inability to do even the most basic web design and my unrelenting and almost unconscionable laziness, together we make a very unsuccessful combination.
But if you want to send me an anniversary present, please contact me at email@example.com (use the subject line "presents out of love") and I'll tell you how to do so. I'm not talking about cash here, because that didn't work. But if you want to send me any t-shirts, pint glasses, checkers, old chicken wings, cigarette butts, pizza crusts* - really, anything laying around the house - I'm willing to accept them and give them a good home.
- I have gotten some t-shirts in the past from readers (from their schools, local bars, just plain weird ones, etc), and I am very grateful. Please note that it is useless to send me a white t-shirt, because after one wearing my body sweat will leave a fine layer of moss on armpits of the shirt. Also, I am either a big XL or smallish XXL. Maybe the XL is preferable, because it may inspire me to lose weight. Or, at the very least, I will look funny in a tight-ass t-shirt.
- I will not eat, drink, or otherwise ingest anything you send me, for fear of being poisoned. I will, however, give these items to my roommate Brian, as he owes me a lot of money and I'm looking to teach him a lesson.
- In that vein, it's best to not send anything perishable. I rarely check the mail, so this things would surely spoil by the time I picked them up (last week, I went to the mail room and picked up a package that I had had for ages - it was "The Office" dvd my brother had sent me for Christmas).
- If you send me anything painful (i.e. a picture from a porno mag of a couple having sex with a note attached saying, "Just wanted to remind you what you haven't done in a while", etc), I will hunt you down and take your life. I swear it.
- Any gifts received will be rewarded with a shout-out (if desired; they have been declined in the past), for whatever that's worth. Also, I will send much good karma your way, since I obviously have a lot to give.
Um...and that's about it. If you have any questions, personal or sexual, please let me know.
* Please do not send me any checkers, old chicken wings, cigarette butts, or pizza crusts. Thank you.