Everything is wrong with me
Monday, November 01, 2004
Halloween and the NFL
Four quick notes about Halloween:

1) As I mentioned, I was out of NYC this weekend for a wedding in Rhode Island (more on this later). I was only in Penn Station for about 15 minutes yesterday, and I saw more than my fair share of slutty costumes. My personal favorites is the Slutty Cat. The Slutty Witch is too scary, the Slutty Devil scares the Catholic side of me, but the Slutty Cat is just right. It's kind of ironic that I like the Slutty Cat, since I am deathly allergic to cats, but I digress...

2) Guys (used in the non-gender-neutral way to mean "those with penises and testes), it is NEVER ok to dress like a woman for Halloween. This is not cool. I have never thought to myself, "You know what? I know I could there are about a million different costumes I could wear on Halloween, but I'm gonna dress up as a woman. It'll be awesome." The only time a man should dress as a woman is if he loses some sort of bet. Otherwise, not cool. Please talk to someone about this.

3) I heard that a popular costume this year was Borat from "Da Ali G Show." Awesome.

4) If I were black, every year my Halloween costume would be prefaced with the word "black". For example:

[dressed as ninja]
Friend: "What are you supposed to be?"
Black Me: "A black ninja."


[dressed as vampire]
Friend: "So what are you?"
Black Me: "I'm a black vampire."

I know a lot of you are probably reading this thinking, "That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life." But I've been cracking myself up non-stop about this since yesterday.

Maybe this is why I have like three black friends.


Some notes about the NFL:

- Philadelphia Eagles: 7-0, the only undefeated team in the NFL. Guys, do NOT fuck me on this. I don't know if I can take another major disappointment at the end of the season. Seriously, I've talked to my doctor about this and he doesn't think I'll make it through. So don't fuck me on this (beating a Ravens team without Jonathan Ogden, Jamal Lewis, and Todd Heap 15-10 does not have me feeling very safe).

- Can someone please explain to me what's happening in the AFC South? Please?

- The Giants are good? Really? They're still the most boring team to watch in all of football.

- Ken Dorsey may be the worst NFL quarterback I have ever seen. Yes, he's young, but that game last night against the Bears was brutal. I feel terrible for 49ers fans. Just terrible.

- I don't know if you guys heard, but the Patriots winning streak was snapped. Allow me to join in the chorus when I say, "Who gives a shit?"

- Speaking of, it's going to be very difficult to watch (well, read about in real-time on the Internet and get updates from my dad about) Duce Staley going off for about 140 yards rushing against the Eagles in next week's 24-16 Steelers' win.

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