Everything is wrong with me
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
 
sick and miserable - bitch!
So I wrote this long post about Christopher Reeve and Ken Caminiti dying and I just couldn't post it. I don't know if I'm becoming a total pussy or growing a conscience or whatever, but I could not put it up. The good news for you is that it kinda stunk anyway and wasn't very funny, as I fumbled with and failed in the delicate task of making fun of dead people. I can do fat jokes, racism, and the homeless with no problem, but the recently deceased? That can be kinda tough.

And now I've got nothing. I'm feeling like shit because my throat is sore as hell, and it kept my ass up all night and now I'm totally grumpy. I went to my local crappy doctor this morning and though he said my throat didn't look "streppy", he's not sure and will let me know Thursday. Thursday? Asshole.

A sore throat is the worst malady to have (aside from anything that adversely affects your balls), because it affects swallowing, and that affects eating, something I take very seriously. For example, right now, I'm fucking starving (shocking, I know), but every time I swallow it feels like someone is punching me in the left side of my neck. After having oatmeal for breakfast, I've eaten nothing but Luden's Cherry Throat Drops. For the record, anyone who thinks these things that any medicinal value at all is a total asshole. They're candy, that's all there is to it.

[And yes, I am a pussy with all this "I'm sick" and "I'm grumpy" and "My penis is too small for normal condoms, so I have to special order tiny condoms" complaining. The good news is that I'm going to go home and have at least two sundaes for dinner.]

So I'm mailing it in today, with a promise to get back to you tomorrow. I'm going to sit here in my office and stew with my mild fever and swollen glands

Yeah, I know, yesterday I wrote about how good things are, but do you know what "bipolar" means? Asshole.



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