Everything is wrong with me
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
 
completely unsubstantiated baseball playoff predictions (because I have no time)
Baseball playoffs start, well, now, so here are my quick-and-dirty predictions:

AL Wild-Card Round
Anaheim over Boston
Minnesota over New York

NL Wild-Card Round
St. Louis over Los Angeles
Houston over Atlanta

NL Championship
Houston over St. Louis
Minnesota over Anaheim

World Series
Minnesota over Houston in 6

Why?

- The Yankees have more issues than they know what to do with. Is anyone afraid of Moose, Lieber, Brown, Hernandez or Vazquez? "Not I" said the cat.
- Things are going too well for Boston right now, except the fact that Pedro Martinez is apparently purposely trying to hurt his legacy. It just can't happen for them. It just can't.
- Anaheim is dangerous, but Bartolo Colon is going to have a heart attack. He is just too fat.
- Minnesota - love 'em. Johan Santana is freaking amazing, and I love the small ball. They just feel right, and I know to go with your heart sometimes, even if it doesn't really work and hurts most of the day.

- Atlanta? As Ali G would say, they are boring. Bobby Cox, you did a tremendous job this year (as usual), but you got nothing in the postseason.
- LA? C'mon. We're joking here, right? Yeah, Beltre, but that's about it (also, in The Year of the 3B, I'm glad I took Troy Glaus in two of my fantasy leagues). At least they have Milton Bradley, who is really making a name for himself in the "I'm seriously a crazy mother fucker and I will fucking stab you" department.
- St. Louis is a juggernaut, but they don't have it. Trust me on this, even though I have no idea what I'm talking about.
- Houston just feels right. Something about them, I just feel it in my groin, you know?

However, I will be routing for Boston, since I have a lot of vacation days left to burn before the year ends, and I can think of no better way to use them then by spending my time in Boston looting and pillaging. Also, I might even be able to get laid if the Sox win and the city slips into a Bacchanalian euphoria the likes of which no city has seen since the end of WWII.

So, um, Go Sox!

[Also, on a personal note, I'm pleased to report that I won two of my three fantasy leagues. Ladies, please try to calm down and keep your panties on, but I agree that it is a tremendous achievement and only confirms what I already know: I really need to get a fucking hobby that I can at least talk to a woman about. I mean, fuck.]



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