Everything is wrong with me
Monday, September 27, 2004
three morning notes plus one
1) I had 10 Double Stuf Oreos for breakfast, and for the third time in five weeks I actually had to get off the subway in the middle of my morning commute to go to Hunter (where I'm taking grad classes and which is en route to my place of employment) to poop. Apparently, though delicious, 10 Double Stuf Oreos are not good on the stomach at 7:15 in the morning. Who knew? Suffice to say, I won't be having 10 Oreos for breakfast any more. Or at least until tomorrow. God they are delicious.

2) After relieving myself, I got back on the train and was standing on the crowded subway when I noticed a lot of women looking in my direction. My first thought was, naturally, "Oh my god - do I have a boner?" I didn't, so then I looked next to me and saw this "dreamy" French dude reading Camus' The Stranger looking all dreamy and such (I'm not sure if he was French, but he looked like a Frenchie and the book was in French). I spent the rest of the ride straightening my posture, flexing my guns, making sure that I looked my finest for any lady that approached me and said, "I wasn't looking at that nancy Frenchie - I like real men. So why don't you take me to the nearest train station bathroom and have your way this me? But please, no ass play."

Alas, this did not happen. Although I see most of a girl's boob later on the train. Good stuff.

3) As I was walking to work I was approached by a co-worker, a buddy of mine. Again, I had an embarrassing I-Pod moment. He asked what I was listening to, and I stumbled and said, "Nothing". In reality, I was listening to Liz Phair's "Hot White Cum". And no, I don't think this makes me gay (well, it probably doesn't). And please, don't look up the lyrics to the song, which you can find here. I mean, guys like this song, right? Or does it make me gay? Can someone help me out here? It's such a damn catchy tune, aside from all the "give me your semen so I can cover myself with it" talk.


[And lastly, not a morning note]

I have to say I'm getting pretty excited about the Philadelphia Eagles. I didn't see the game however, as I was treated to the craptacular Giants-Browns game. Christ - I've seen flag football games at the Special Olympics that made for more exciting football.

Anyway, the Eagles are getting me all riled up. But, I know that in the end, I'm going to get hurt. And then I'm going to hurt someone else. And then I'm going to jail. So you can see how I don't have much to look forward to.

And now I'm all bummed out. Fuck.

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