Everything is wrong with me
Monday, August 30, 2004
 
"Why don't you have comments on your blog?"
Ass-loads of emails asking why I don't have a comments section, so here is my reply:

1) You people are cretins. I don't want you all messing up my nice little site with your cuss words, when clearly that is my job.

2) I would never get any work done. If I had a comments option up, surely I would check back to the site every five minutes to see what people had written, then take another five minutes to craft a witty reply, then take thirty minutes to bask in my victory. Then I would talk on the phone for an hour, then take a two hour lunch, during which I would have at least four (4) beers.

I would be fired in three weeks (tops), and it would be all the fault of the comments section.

3) This is my damn site - get your own. This is my space to make fun of/reveal secrets of/besmirch my roommates, friends, ex-girlfriends, etc. If I had a comments option, this would allow those people to defend themselves, which is something I am clearly not interested in.

I mean, duh. This is not hard people.

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So to recapitulate: there is no comments section because I am egotistical and self-aggrandizing, lazy and unindustrious, and insecure and stubborn.

And believe it or not, I'm single. Shocking, I know.



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