Everything is wrong with me
Friday, August 20, 2004
two quick sports items
Sports Item #1

Curtis Martin, has-been running back for the New York Jets, guaranteed that he will run for 1,500 yards this year.

Apparently, today is "Make Crazy Guarantees" Day, so I want to go on record to see that before the year is out, I will have sex with ten women. You heard it hear first.

My guarantee isn't quite as crazy as Martin's is, so I'll step it up: the ten women I have sex with will actually enjoy it.

My predictions:

Martin - 1012 yards rushing, 8 touchdowns, 8-8 record for Jets
Mulgrew - 2 make-outs, 1 handjob received, no one walks away a winner

Sports Item #2

What the hell does Larry Bowa have to do to get fired? The Philadelphia Phillies, consensus pre-season picks for the NL East crown, are now 59-62, 10.5 games behind the first place Braves, and 7 games back behind the San Francisco Giants for the wild-card. Read: the season is pretty much over.

I know there have been injuries and under-performances, and I know he's a sports icon in Philly, but he's gotta go. The Phillies are 1-9 in their last ten games - all of which were at home.

Yet I think that this guy could hold a news conference calling for the return of apartheid, stopping half-way through to take a shit on an American flag, and still retain his job.

My prediction: Bowa won't last through the weekend (ok, so I was being a little facetious above).

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