Everything is wrong with me
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
 
Special "Everybody Just Shut Up So I Can Be Serious For A Fucking Minute" Moment
[Warning: the following post is not at all funny, and highly political in nature. If you don't want to hear me uncharacteristically talk about politics, please skip this, and a post about me beating off will be up shortly. Special thanks to the psychotically liberal but well-dressed pundit from the boondocks of Eastern Washington, Stacey Wilton, and the flamingly liberal homosexual New Yorker of Italian extraction, James D'Elicio, for their input.]

Hi, my name is Jason Mulgrew. You know me as the Internet Quasi-Celebrity who entertains you daily by making jokes about pubes, obesity, and minorities. But today, if you'll indulge me, I'd like to take a moment to talk about something a little more serious.

As most of you know, this November's presidential election is the most important of the last thirty years - since the days when Tricky Dick was in the White House and our parents were either getting high in 'Nam and serving the country or getting high in a public park and listening to Jefferson Airplane.

If the election of 2000 has taught us anything, it's that every vote can make a difference. Your teeny-tiny little vote (yes, yours) can make a huge difference in the race for the presidency and shape world diplomacy for the next four years.

For this reason, if you are of voting age, please register to vote. Many times in our comfortable society, while eating frozen yogurt and watching "I Love the '80's" on VH1, we can forget that democracy is a right that many people strive for and do not have.

People die to vote in countries all over the world, as recent events in Cameroon, India, Rwanda, Peru, and Kenya have shown us. Many of the people in these countries live in small towns in the country, miles from an election site, and yet they travel those miles by car, bus, bike or foot. They understood the dangers of voting. They saw the escalating violence as the elections approached. They knew that once they reached these remote locations that they might be harassed and intimidated by government or opposition forces. They knew that they were risking their lives.

For these people "democracy", "the right to vote", the desire "to create a future for their children" are not just slogans used to win a campaign. For them it is a very real dream for a future, a need for the future. A future that is worth dying for, a future for people they will never know, for people who will never have to make the sacrifices that these people are making. Like I said, people die to vote. We insult their sacrifice by not voting, because we "didn't get around to it" or "forgot about it" or "didn't have time."

So to register to vote, check out these sites:

www.rockthevote.com

www.declareyourself.com

www.justvote.org

And while I'm at it, here's my pitch for Kerry/Edwards (and this isn't just because of my John Edwards man-crush):

[Trying to be as respectful as possible of other people's opinions] Another four years of George Bush risks further alienating our long-standing foreign allies, packing our federal judiciary with justices representing the religious right, White House support of a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, the weakening of environmental protections, increasing the federal deficit thus threatening the fiscal health of our limited social safety net, and of course, the continued bastardization of the English language.

Therefore, I, Jason Mulgrew, am supporting John Kerry in his bid for president, because we need a president that will create jobs, provide affordable health care, maintain civil rights, protect our environment and keep America secure. Also, maybe I can meet some nice girls this way, since, as I've mentioned, liberals chicks are way hotter and freakier than conservative ladies.

Please, and I can't stress this enough, do NOT email me trying to engage me in some Bush vs. Kerry debate. I don't care what you think, as you shouldn't care what I think (well, I care what you think if you think, "I really want that Jason Mulgrew to make sweaty unsatisfying love to me" - then you can email me whenever you want).

Thank you for your time, and I promise that in the future all seriousness will be kept to a bare minimum. We now rejoin your regularly scheduling programming, already in progress.



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