Everything is wrong with me
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
 
Jason Mulgrew: Countdown to a Quarter Century
It's hard to believe that in only three days (July 17 for all you non-math people), I will be turning 25.

25. Doesn't that seem old? When I was a wee child of 6, I thought that by the time I was 25, I'd be married to Olivia Newton-John, have at least one kid, be best friends with Huey Lewis, New Edition, and Boy George, and already have 100 Major League home runs. But alas, nineteen years and a thousand or so carrot cakes later, here I stand at 25, with only a ton of body hair, no STD's, and a stupid website to show for myself.

Nevertheless, my friends and I are having a party this Saturday, precisely to celebrate the 25 years I've wasted so far. A little history:

In December of 2002, my roommates Ben and Brian and our friend Nevin and I wanted to throw a Christmas party. However, we didn't want to have a traditional Christmas party and alienate our friends who are Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, or whatever the hell else there is. We decided instead to have a December Non-Denominational Holiday Celeganza.

So we whipped up the evite, sent it to our closest 150 friends, and the party was a big hit. Of course, I don't know this first-hand - the four party throwers drank for free, so I blacked out around 1am, and only remember waking up the next day in my bed fully clothed (including shoes), my head were my feet usually rest and vice-versa, covered in vodka-smelling sweat because I had apparently turned the heat up to about 85 degrees before passing out. Not my best hangover. Not at all.

In the summer of 2003, we were feening for another party, so we threw Celeganza II: Return of the Celeganza. The occasion was my 24th birthday and the 24th birthday and departure of our dear friend Molly, girlfriend of Celeganza Co-Chair Nevin, who was leaving for law school. Again, another good party, another $280 "lost" at a strip club, and another vicious hangover.

December 2003 brought Celeganza III: The Final Chapter. Much like Elliot Smith, the four Celeganza Chairs decided to call it quits while we were on top, believing we had done all we could with the Celeganza legacy.

Of course, it was all a lie - just an attempt to get more people to come to the party that they thought was the last one. So now we have Celeganza IV: Ok, Seriously, This Is The Last One. And this time, in all honesty, we mean it: Nevin Fox, who helped found the Celeganza, is leaving for law school. The thought of Ben, Brian and I continuing the Celeganza tradition without him is comparable to The Doors of the 21st Century.

So Celeganza IV is both my 25th birthday party and our dear friend Nevin's going away party. And any of you who are in NYC (or will be in NYC this weekend) are more than welcome to attend. It's at a bar in the Lower East Side, Iggy's Keltic Lounge (at Ludlow & Rivington), but we didn't rent out the bar, so there's no guest list and anyone can come.

[NB: Please be advised that by midnight, I should be completely out of commission and unable to speak, recognize basic shapes and colors, or go to the bathroom without assistance. I can not stress this enough. I will be severely incapacitated, so if you come expecting to have conversations with me about Jacques Derrida's linguistic deconstructionalism, the similarities between the Popish Plot in seventeenth century England and McCarthyism in 1950's America, or even about whether or not I'm having a good time or if I like sandwiches, you will be severely disappointed.]

Celebrities scheduled to appear include:

- Ace Cowboy and Don Fiedler of Slack Lalane
- brother of Jason Mulgrew, Dennis Mulgrew
- former NFL player Dick Butkus
- WNBA star Lisa Leslie
- and many, many others

If you like, you can email me at eiwwm@lycos.com and I can send the "official" evite. But a word about evites - I hate evites. I hate getting them, I hate replying to them, but most of all I hate sending them. This is because NO ONE replies to this damn things. Currently on our evite list, we have 32 yes, 5 maybe, 13 no, and 122 no replies.

122 people who haven't replied? Two things: 1) I can see that most of these people have read the evite. If you've sent it out, you can see things like "Jason Mulgrew - July 8", signifying the date I opened the evite. You're telling me you can't simply click yes, no, or maybe? What the fuck?

Secondly, some of the people who haven't replied I've either spoken to or emailed with, and they've said they're coming. Why haven't these people taken the three seconds to have the evite reflect their response? I have no idea. It doesn't seem very difficult to me.

The result is that the party-throwers look like losers. We sent the evite out to 170-odd people, and it looks as though only 32 are coming.

The moral: next time you get an evite, just fucking reply. Because otherwise, you're killing the self-esteem of the host(s).

But god I can't wait to get drunk this weekend. Happy Birthday to me!



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