Everything is wrong with me
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
 
editing (or the lack thereof)
An email received at 3:04pm from my buddy John:

I never tell people that they should click spell check before sending emails, because I miss spell things all the time, but go read your blog from today over again. Christ.
First, for the record, I do click on spell-check before posting the site. Spell-check is really the only editing I do for the posts. I re-read my post from today and found some things that needed to be changed that were not misspellings, but rather words misused (for example, writing "we" instead of "were"). So the spelling isn't the problem; it's the grammar (there are probably still some mistakes in the post).

Second, I'd like to remind John and others who send me emails like, "Dude, it's 3pm - where's your post?" and "What the F? Only one post today?" that I have a full-time job. I often don't have time to comb over what I write for grammatical errors, split infinitives, semi-colon misuse, etc. If you like, you can send me a check and I'll gladly quit my jobby-job, sit home and write all day, posting every hour on the hour, with the most immaculate grammar you've ever seen. Also, I'll make use of my time at home and adopt a child, and train the child to be an assassin, so that when the child turns 16, I can rent him out to the rich and famous to kill their enemies and we can make a lot of money, which of course will go right up my nose. After a time, at the peak of my cocaine addiction, my adopted assassin child will fall in love with a woman who I don't approve of, a real wild-card with a fiery temper, a heart of gold, and a passion for life (played by Kirsten Dunst), and it will tear us apart, and will ultimately lead to a final showdown, the ending of which I won't give away at this juncture.

Third, John is a douchebag and he has an STD. So there you go - I may misspell words, but at least I don't have HPV.

I hope this post lives up to your grammatical standards. Bastard.

[By the way, the proper spelling is "douche bag". I prefer one word though.]



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