Everything is wrong with me
Friday, June 04, 2004
three things
1) My favorite thing about yesterday's National Spelling Bee (besides the kid falling, the psycho parents, and the dozens and dozens of nerds damned to life-long virginity) is how the kids always ask for alternate definitions, as if words like "hypsometer", "aquarellist", and "quinquevir" would have much simpler alternate definitions.

MC: "Your word is 'derailleur.'"
Kid: "Can I have the definition please?"
MC: "'A device for shifting gears on a bicycle by moving the chain between sprocket wheels of different sizes.'"
Kid: "Is there an alternate definition?"
MC: "Yes - 'happiness.'"

Come on - there's no alternate definition. Just spell the fucking word already before your crazy dad has a fucking coronary.

2) There's a new reality show coming out on PBS called "Colonial House", in which participants live under the same harsh conditions that the original colonists lived through in 1628.

My question is: isn't this only slightly different than the concept parodied on "The Simpsons"? It was an episode in which the family goes on a reality show and lives life like they did in (I believe) the 18th century.

So this is what reality tv has come to. In the mad dash to get aboard the craze, PBS is basing a whole series about something that was lampooned on "The Simpsons" three years ago. Sheesh.

3) Have you seen any of the ads for "Soul Plane" (you can see them at www.soulplane.com)? Tom Arnold is in this movie, along with Kevin Hart, DL Hughley, Method Man, Mo'Nique and Snoop Dogg. If you like closely enough at the advertisements, you can see a single tear rolling down his cheek. Not that Tom Arnold was ever a great actor, but what a rough time he's had: married to Roseanne, Hollywood laughing stock, co-host of a shitty sports show, and now starring as the token white guy in "Soul Plane."

I've often said that I would do anything (treason, infanticide, deal with Satan, etc) to be famous, but if it's Tom Arnold-famous, well, no thanks.

[Have a good weekend, and remember: don't wear a condom - they take away all the feeling (not that I would remember)]

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