Everything is wrong with me
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
 
stupid haircut
I got a haircut yesterday and it's completely uneven. This is what I get for going to SuperCuts. But I don't care much about my rapidly-fleeing hair (another reason I need to get married asap), and a near deal-breaker for me is any guy who either a) spends more than $30 for a haircut; or b) wears an obnoxious amount of "product" in his hair. I can't be friends with these people. If you have highlights in your hair, or "tips", and you're straight, someone should take you into a field and beat you with a sock full of screws, nails, and bolts. After the beating, a group of angry and horny dogs should be let upon you and called off only when you realized how ridiculous you look with your multi-colored hair.

Anyway, I used to have my friend Annie cut my hair, but that quote-unquote "had to stop." I'm not sure exactly why, but I'm thinking it's because I kept touching her while she'd cut it and said things in a sultry voice like, "I think nothing is more intimate than a woman cutting a man's hair" and "God you smell so good right now" or "I ache to touch your skin, preferably in the area of your breast."

So I'm stuck with an uneven haircut. At least my uneven sunburn is starting to fade, so I've got that going for me. You know what else is going away? The hair on my head. You know what's not going away? The hair all over the rest of my body. At this rate, I'll look exactly like George "The Animal" Steele by Thanksgiving. Fucking sweet.

[Is anyone else shocked George "The Animal" Steele has a website? My goodness.]



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