Thursday, June 10, 2004
off to Boston
No post tomorrow. President Reagan has saved the day and I'm heading off to Boston. As all travel experiences are essentially consequence-free, here are some weekend goals:
1) Get blackout drunk
Chance of happening: 90%
2) Spend less than $300 total (food + booze)
Chance of happening: 40%
3) Make-out, preferably with a woman
Chance of happening: less than 5%
4) If #3 doesn't work, slow dance with a woman, preferably to the song, "A Kiss to Build a Dream On", as sung by Louis Armstrong
Chance of happening: less than 1%
5) Soil myself or my buddy Joe's apartment or myself in my buddy Joe's apartment
Chance of happening: 95%
6) Hit on my brother's friends (if he has any) to secure my "creepy older brother" reputation
Chance of happening (provided he has friends): 80%
7) Say to at least 2 attractive women: "You know, I got tested for STDs this week, and I'm totally clean."
Chance of happening: 100%
8) Then say, "I'm just kidding! I didn't get tested. I have no idea whether or not I have any STDs and to be honest, I really don't want to know! You know what I'm talking about, right?"
Chance of happening: 50% (they'll probably back away slowly after #7)
9) Say to at least 1 attractive women: "I'm sorry if I'm not acting like myself. I stopped taking my anti-depressants earlier this week, and I'm all loopy. Also, I really want to steal a car and kill a hooker. Do you ever get that feeling?"
Chance of happening: 60%
10) Fall in love and get married
Chance of happening: n/a
Have a good weekend. And remember, with every weekend that passes, you are one step closer to real responsibility and ultimately, death. So get out there and get yourself a fucking story - not for me, but for President Reagan.
Love you Ronnie.