Everything is wrong with me
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
a few things
Ronald Reagan, you are a hero and a saint. You will be remembered for all the great things that you did for our country: guiding us through the Iran-Contra Affair, ending the Cold War, and presiding over the country at the height of its pop culture awesomeness. I personally would like to take this time to thank you for getting us the day off this Friday. Because of your sacrifice so that thousands, perhaps millions of Americans could have this upcoming three day weekend, I am dedicating this weekend's drinking to you.

God bless you, and may your spirit, dignity, and integrity live on through time immemorial.


The Tampa Bay Lightening won the Stanley Cup. Yes, Tampa Bay has a hockey team. And apparently they are pretty good. And I couldn't care less. And no, I'm not bitter that a city that has two sports teams, one (the Bucs) that started in 1977 and one (the Lightening) that started in 1992, has two championships in the past three years. If there's one thing Tampa Bay is known for, it's its die-hard sports fans.



Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells made a racial slur against the Japanese in a press conference yesterday, when, speaking of surprise plays, he said, "Mike wants the defense to do well, and Sean, he's going to have a few... no disrespect for the Orientals, but what we call Jap plays. OK, surprise things."

For the record, I find this particularly offensive, as my aunt is Japanese and I have two half-Japanese cousins, and I am in general a very sensitive guy. And "Orientals"? To paraphrase Walter Sobchek, the preferred nomenclature is "Asian-Americans."

What is even more interesting is in his apology, he attempts to ameliorate his statement by saying, "I made a very inappropriate reference, and although I prefaced it with the remark, 'no disrespect to anyone intended,' it was still uncalled for and inconsiderate."

God, how many times have I used this tactic. "Look, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings when just before you and I were about to have sex I said, 'You're clean, right?' For the record, I did preface that question by saying, 'Just out of curiosity.' So you see that me inquiring about whether or not you had any contagious STD's was not a reflection of your morals or shady past, but rather a natural result of my insatiable curiosity. Nevertheless, if you were offended, I am not sorry, but I will concede that my remark was not appropriate. Also, I'd like to point out that you did not answer the question. Please do so at your earliest convenience."


My I-Pod has the capacity to hold about 4,700 songs. I have about 2,200 on there now. And I am completely out of songs to download.

Keep in mind, I wouldn't describe myself as a "casual music fan" - I have about 350 cds, and take great pride in my impeccable and eclectic taste in music. Still, I've gotten to the point where I'll sit at the computer desperately trying to come up with songs to download, and think, "I don't know...maybe there's some good Dylan songs from the 80's I can download." Then I'll think, "Hey, remember that porn clip we had on our computer in college? The one where the dude brings the chick home from the beach, then calls his buddy, and he comes over and has sex with her in the shower with his jeans still on? That was awesome." And then I'll think, "Hey, you know what else was awesome? That BBQ chicken burrito we had last Thursday from Blockhead's. Perfect size, great distribution of sour cream, really good. God damn I am a fat bastard."

So I implore you, if you have any suggestions for some music (bands, songs, albums) I should check out, send me an email at eiwwm@lycos.com. I'm very open-minded when it comes to music, so I'll give anything a try. Not so open-minded when it comes to women in positions of power or minority doctors, but I really can't be faulted for that.

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