Everything is wrong with me
Thursday, April 08, 2004
trouble with knobs
The doorknob on the bathroom on my floor is broken, so that whenever you try to get out of the bathroom, you need to play with it (the doorknob) for a few seconds to get it to open.

I know this, because it happens every single time I use the bathroom.

But still, every time I make that first grab at it (again, the doorknob) and it doesn’t work, I still freak the fuck out, and spend the next five to eight seconds thinking, “Holy shit I’m locked in! Holy shit I’m locked in! What am I gonna do? WHAT AM I GONNA DO? FUCK!” and then the doorknob gives and I breathe a sigh of relief and go back to work (rather, I go back to the internet).

This happens every single day, sometimes three times a day.

What is so wrong with me that I can’t say to myself, “Dude, relax- you’re not locked in the bathroom – it’ll give after a few seconds. Fatass.”

I guess this is what that whole therapy thing is supposed to figure out (that and giving me a bunch of pills that I can sell to my friends).

[Tomorrow is Good Friday, the most solemn of the Christian holy days. I won’t be posting, since I have off. For those of you who don’t have off – I don’t feel bad. You probably shouldn’t be working for a pagan company anyway.]

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