Everything is wrong with me
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
three things
1) What a boring, crappy NCAA championship game. But really, did anyone (aside from my friend Johnny) think that Georgia Tech was going to beat UConn? Luke "I'm 7'1" and can max 90 pounds" Schenscher against Emeka "I will eat your fucking heart" Okafor?

And really, enough talk about the women's final four (notice the lowercase). You're telling me there's not a better way to spend a bunch of money than on women's sports? We can't take the millions of dollars spent on women's sports and say - give it to needy children? Pump it into public schools? Shit, even light it on fire? Because no one, aside from the athletes and the parents of the athletes, gives a shit. I'll have more on this sometime, because I need a lot of space (and you can send those angry emails to the address in the upper-right).

2) Since the game stunk, I watched a good bit of the "Average Joe: Adam Returns" finale. While people are chomping at the bit to crucify Adam for choosing the extremely high-maintenance Samantha over the good-hearted teacher Rachel, a few things:

- Yes, Samantha stinks. And yes, she had one of the all-time dealbreakers: any time a woman is that crazy about her dog, STAY AWAY. I'm serious. I think this dealbreaker takes precedence over all the others we've listed. But anyway, Rachel was very "let's get married and I can have a kid for you in seven months - I don't even need the full nine." Just a little too serious. Still, I'm in love with her now and will gladly drop everything to be with her. Rachel, if you are reading this, please email me. You can move in by the end of the month. Please email.

- I don't know how I feel about the return of David Daskal and that fight scene. I don't think I'm ready to talk about it.

- Again, was there any doubt that Samantha was going to be picked? After all, the show spent forty minutes canonizing Rachel. I'm thinking that if the show's going to keep on going (which apparently it is - there's a "Plain Jane" in the works), they're going to have to switch it up a bit. Three times this has happened.

3) I may be wrong here, but my desk calendar says April 6. So why is it about 45 fucking degrees out? I think it should be spring. You know who else thinks it should be spring? My landlord - because he's turned off all the heat, causing my roommates and I to sleep in the same room huddling together for warmth.

This is all part of God's big plan to screw me over. I don't think I've ever enjoyed a spring in NYC....it's freezing until mid-April, we get two nice weeks, and then it's hot and humid from May until September. If my body is not given enough time to properly acclimate itself to the warm weather, well, I don't think I need to finish that sentence. I don't exactly do well in the heat, and by "do well" I mean every day is a struggle to survive. Heat index of 105 + fifth-story walk-up + twenty-pound bag of laundry = unglorious death by heat stroke in the stairway. Not the way I want to go, but oh well.

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