Everything is wrong with me
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
three observations
1) While returning to the office from lunch, I ran into my friend Sara, who works nearby, with two of her (attractive) female coworkers who I had never met before. I hadn’t seen her in a while, and we had this conversation:

Me: “Hey Sara!”
Sara: “Oh hey Jason! How are you?”
Me: “Ok, ok.”
Sara: “Jason, this is Tabby and Kiera – they work with me at [company name].”
Me: “Nice to meet you guys.”
Tabby & Kiera: “Nice to meet you.”
Sara: “So Jason, I haven’t seen you in ages. How are things? You look good – have you been working out?”

Let’s stop right here.

Now, I could have said something normal like, “Yeah, I’m trying” or “Sometimes” or anything. But, flabbergasted because someone has directed the words "you look good" and "have you been working out?" at me for the first time in my life, instead:

Me: “Well, you know, I’ve been throwing up after I eat, so I don’t get the calories or the fat or anything. It’s called ‘bulimia.’ So far, so good.”

What is most sad about this whole thing is not that I keep saying stupid things like this, but that I keep getting so disappointed when the stupid jokes don’t get the warm and welcome response that I want them to.

I mean, really, I’m talking to a girl I kind of know, and two girls I don’t know, and I’m making jokes about bulimia? What do I expect them to do - laugh hysterically and then say, "Oh, Sara, your friend is hilarious - let's take him into that alley over there and blow the shit out of him!" C'mon.

2) There’s a woman who works in my building, and I swear, from the first time we saw each other, we were both sending out vibes. I don’t know her name or what department she works in, but every time we ran into each other, you could tell there was a little something, a little glimmer of interest, between us.

Well, I just saw her a minute ago. And she’s pregnant.

Real perceptive, asshole.

3) There is a link on cnn.com that says “Web site helps poor find cheap drugs.”

Very misleading.

There’s another link that says, “Study: frequent sex may cut cancer risk.” So does that mean that no sex will increase the risk of getting cancer? Because I’d like to add that to my arsenal:

Me: “Why don’t we go back to my place?
Girl: “I don’t think so.”
Me: “Why not? Do you want me to get cancer? You are a shrew.”

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