Everything is wrong with me
Monday, March 08, 2004
three things
1) You know what’s fun to do? Have you ever been at a birthday party or dinner or whatever and someone asks you to take a group picture? Next time you do this, take an especially long time after counting “1…2…3” and before snapping the picture. It’s amazing to watch people’s faces contorted in a smile, hoping that they look their best, and it gets very, very painful if you add just a few extra seconds. Also, it’s the only time when you can be truly psychic, because you know exactly what everyone is thinking: “Just take the fucking picture already.” Trust me - do this and you'll get a kick out of it.

2) I can not stress enough how amazing lip gloss on women is. I honestly believe that it can make any girl at least a little more attractive, and I don't mean that in the "short skirt/high boots" kind of way. See, a year or two ago all women started wearing short skirts with high boots because they thought it automatically made them attractive, even if they were large or ugly. Unfortunately, for those large or ugly women, it didn't make them look hot, but only like beat girls/fat chicks who happen to be wearing short skirts with high boots. But lip gloss - geez. I mean, I don't even know what to say.

3) I saw "Starsky & Hutch" this weekend, and I have to admit that in retrospect, I was a little disappointed. Don't get me wrong, it was a good time, but almost every funny moment of the movie has already been shown in the previews and commercials. But it did reinforce something I already knew: Will Ferrell is a genius. Everything he does is gold. I already have his "SNL's Best of", and I can't wait until his "Best of 2" comes out. I saw it on SNL ("Best of 2") with my roommate Brian one Saturday night in the fall while we were taking drugs and drinking vodka (during our usual "it's Saturday, so let's starting drinking at 4pm so that we'll be nice and drunk by the time we meet everyone out at 1am and Brian can not remember anything after 10pm and I can embarrass myself by trying to make out with one of my friends) and there was one scene at the end that made me laugh harder than I probably ever had - he's this TV karate instructor and he punches this wooden board to break it, but instead he hurts his hand badly and spends the next four minutes jumping around and screaming "Sweet bastard!" and "What kind of wood is that?" and "I definitely just shattered my hand!" Just fucking brilliant.

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