Everything is wrong with me
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
three mo' things
1) I have GOT to stop masturbating in the shower when I have my contacts in. Without them, I can at least believe that it goes right down the drain, because I can't see. But you know what? It doesn't. Sometimes it sticks to the floor of the tub, and I feel guilty and when I get out of the shower my roommate Ben says, "Why are you pouring bleach all over the tub?" and I, ashamed, yell, "JUST GO BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM!" Next time, I'm going to have to hop out of the shower, take out the contacts, them jump back in. Because, seriously, it has to stop.

[I'm sorry - was that too gross? My bad.]

2) The most meaningless compliment I say about a woman: "I'd make out/have sex with her." This means nothing. Absolutely nothing. You know who I wouldn't make out or have sex with? Neither do I.

3) I spotted a friend while I was out at brunch this weekend with my two friends, Nicole and Kara. He didn't come over to say hello, he says, because he didn't recognize me. Do you know why he didn't recognize me? Because I was with two girls. He probably thought to himself, "Well, that guy looks a lot like Jason, but it can't be him. He's with two girls, and they are pretty OK-looking, and they don't appear to be walking with any sort of limp and they're not really, really cross-eyed, so that can't be Jason. No way."

<< Home

Powered by Blogger