Everything is wrong with me
Thursday, March 18, 2004
St. Patrick's Day in Two Thoughts
1) Last night I met a girl whose attractiveness increased dramatically with each beer consumed, moreso than any other girls' I have ever met. This is kind of hard to describe and may fall into the "you had to be there" category, but I think it's because she had all the "right" elements: cute, blond, blue-eyed, nice lil' body, etc.

But boy - I remember meeting her and thinking, "Eh, cute girl." After I finished that beer, I thought, "You know - she is pretty good looking." This progressed until the end of the night when I was standing by the bar by myself staring at her, thinking, "I have got to marry her. It just has to happen. There can be no other way."

Of course, I didn't talk to her much all night, because I blew it right at the introduction:

My friend Dan: "Susan, this is my friend Jason. Jason, Susan."
Susan: "Hi, I'm Susan. Nice to meet you."
Me: "Yes, you too."
Susan: "So Jason, I have a question for you."
Me: "Gee, I hope it's not 'Have you ever slept with a prostitute?'"

I was under the impression that that is a pretty funny line. Unfortunately, she was not under this impression.

Just when I think I know what women want, something like this happens, and it's back to the drawing board.

2) I was proud of myself last night. Although I had a lot to drink, including three "last" beers, I managed to make it home in one piece, with a good solid buzz, and I'm not too hungover today.

There was one thing I wasn't proud of, though. There was a girl at the bar last night that I had a weird thing with that ended weirdly, and I didn't talk to her all night because - surprise surprise - I am an angry, vengeful drunk. But on the cab ride home, I felt bad about this, because - surprise surprise - I am also a shameful, guilt-ridden drunk. But then my roommate Ben, who believes that through the whole thing this girl done me wrong, said the wisest thing I think he's ever said: "Jay, fuck that. You shouldn't feel guilty about not talking to her. Honestly, do you think she's sitting at home right now thinking, 'I wonder why Jason didn't talk to me tonight?' Of course not."

Very true.

So we turned the cab around and egged her apartment.

Happy Fucking St. Patrick's Day.

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