Everything is wrong with me
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
The Return of Adam
I'm not going to say anything about "Average Joe: Adam Returns" because I think it stinks. And I won't say anything mean about the women on the show like, "You knew you were going to be on TV - couldn't you have gone to the tanning salon? Or maybe did an extra fifteen minutes on the treadmill? Or at least lightened up on the carbs just a little?" because that would be wrong.

But God help everyone if I were ever put on a show where a bunch of women fawned over me like they did over Adam last night. I would hit the booze so hard my family would never speak to me again. And the elimination ceremony? Would we even need one? I'd just stand up there and say, "Alright - let's get this over with so I can get my handjob asap. Chubby 1, Chubby 2, and Chubby 3 - later. Next week, we're getting rid of the ugly bitches. And when the hot girls come from Vegas, well, just try to make the most of your stay here. If you need me, I'll be in my room watching porno, smoking hashish and drinking brandy. I expect to see some of you. And remember – the freakier you are, the longer you stick around. Good evening."

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