Everything is wrong with me
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
 
Dealbreakers
What is a dealbreaker? It's hard to define, so maybe some examples will help. Two weeks ago (maybe three?) Adam on "Average Joe: Adam Returns" kicked off a woman because she told him she had a son. That's a dealbreaker. In "Curb Your Enthusiasm", Larry David couldn't have sex with an attractive woman because she had a picture of George Bush on her desk. That's a dealbreaker.

Dealbreakers are not limited to sexual or romantic relationships; they can be in friendships as well.

There are only a few things that will automatically disqualify anyone from being my friend. For example, I can't be friends with any guy who says "I don't really like sports or music." Liking one but not the other is fine, but both is a no-no. I mean, what the hell do you do with your time? Sports and music are probably 80% of my day, and that includes work (the other 20% is consuming). What are we supposed to talk about?

Another example is that I can not be friends with any guy who goes to the tanning salon all year long. I can see maybe going before you head on vacation, but all year round is a no good. I can't be friends with anyone, male or female, who thinks Matchbox 20 "rocks" or "kicks ass." I don't think I need to explain why.

And now I have another dealbreaker: people who wear colored contact lenses. And I'm not talking about weird people who were yellow or black (although they are disqualified too), but people who for whatever reason decide that changing their eye color is a good idea.

My friend just got these, and now she has blue eyes. She's Asian. And now she has fake blue eyes.

I have so many questions about this, I don't even know where to begin. Are you hoping people won't notice? Or do you hope they do notice and they say something like, "Oh, hey - nice eyes." Is it a forever thing? Or are you going to switch it up every week/day?

And what makes you consider this a good idea? How did you decide to do this? What are you hoping to accomplish with this? What happens if you meet someone, and they think you have blue eyes, and you really don't? I mean, what the fuck?

If any of you have any dealbreakers of your own, please send them to me at eiwwm@lycos.com, because I am really fascinated by this. They can be either in friendships or in romance. I'll post them, but don't worry - it'll be anonymous (probably). I'll try to come up with some more between then and now, because I know I have lots of 'em.



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