Everything is wrong with me
Monday, March 08, 2004
I went to Trust and Nocturne on Saturday night. For those of you not "in the know", they are two hip clubs here in NYC.

And of course, I was completely freaked out. As I mentioned, I rarely, rarely go to clubs. I've been to about five or six clubs since 2000, and three have been in the past two weeks.

I went because it was my friend's birthday, and I figured, "Hey - I wouldn't do this normally, so what the fuck?" Of course, I didn't realize the financial implications of such a decision at the time, as I had been drinking (rather expensive) wine, courtesy of my friend's parents, for about four hours. Trust wasn't too bad, probably because we were only there from about 10pm to 1am. But Nocturne - wow. Go-go dancers, live musicians walking around playing along to the clubby music, a weird gothic vibe - I would have hidden in the bathroom the entire time if it hadn't been for the overly friendly attendant and the fact that it's covered in mirrors, so you can see your bird from nine-hundred different angles. I figured that I would have one drink and gracefully make my exit, but I didn't have any cash on me (having spent it all at Trust) so I planned to put my card on the bar. When I gave it to the bartender after she handed me my beer, she said, "$50 minimum on cards." I thought, "Do you want me to come behind the bar so you can punch me in the stomach, or will you hop over it? If you could hop over it, that'd probably work better for me - I'm buzzing pretty hard and I don't think I should be behind a bar right now, what with all that free booze and glassware and cash and all."

You can guess how the story ends: $140 and three hours later, I'm in a cab, alone, going to Rosario's.

The only saving grace (if you can call it that) is that the next day my roommate, who's a "producer" for a "television show" (kinda like I'm a "writer" and "musician"), called me to tell me that Jay-Z and Damon Dash (whoever that is) were at Nocturne that night. So I can say things like, "I was at a club with Jay-Z" and be telling the truth.

[Not that I have anything against lying. I lie all the time. Constantly. Especially in relationships. Lies like, "No I didn't cheat on you - I would never cheat on you" or "I've never done any hard drugs" or "I think anal sex is gross too" or "Of course, I've never paid for sex - that's both immoral and illegal" or, well, you get it.]

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