Everything is wrong with me
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Weekly meeting
I like my job. I really do. I’m called a “Practice Development Analyst”, which basically is a combination of marketing/pr/financial research for a law firm. It’s no stress, 9-5, and good pay. My co-workers are really nice too. I’m the youngest of our group by a couple of years, so we don’t have any sort of “let’s go hit up happy hour” rapport, but there are no problems.

[If I refer to “co-workers” in the future, I will be talking about the legal assistants at the firm, which I used to be one of before landing this gig a few months back. I hated being a legal assistant – attorneys always looking toward me with condescension and asking me things like, “Is that binder almost ready?” or “How much longer until I can get that document?” or “Why are you sweating so much?” Bastards.]

But the problem is that this job is very business-oriented, and I have pretty much zero business knowledge. Every Tuesday, we have status meetings where tons of mumbo-jumbo is thrown around, while I completely space out.

Today’s meeting was pretty interesting:

Manager: "Well Kerry, what are you working on?"

Kerry: "I'm working on [4 minutes of business jargon that I don't understand b/c I didn't take even one business course in college; scribble gibberish on notepad]"

Manager: "Great, good news about [some business deal I've never heard of]. Roger, what about you?"

Roger: "Well, I've been doing mostly [7 minutes of stuff, including lots of things like ICLS and REITS and XFDC and the like that I've never heard of; write furiously on notepad a la "Rushmore"]."

Manager: "Excellent work. Jason, how about you?"

Jason: "Well, I'm almost done with the equity spreadsheet."

[6-8 seconds of silence, waiting for me to expand on that, but I can't, because I barely know what "equity" is]

Rich (via telecom from the Paris office): "Hey Jason, do you know about [I'm guessing this is some sort of equity-related deal, but he could have said "poop" 15 times in a row and I would have better able to answer his question]?"

Jason: "Uh, yeah, I've taken that into consideration."

Rich: "Great. I'd love to see your comments when you get a chance."

Jason: "You got it [write "what the fuck?" on notepad]."

Manager: "Also, [more nothing, but this time it's like two minutes long so I interject with "right" and "ok" and laugh when I think I'm supposed to laugh and sometimes get daring and say "tell me about it!"]. So, can you get me that when you get a chance?"

Jason: "I'm all over it [underline "what the fuck?" notepad]

Fun times.

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