Everything is wrong with me
Saturday, February 21, 2004
losing to Corky
A few months ago, I was courting a girl. Though admittedly, I didn't do so actively. We hung out a few times, mostly in groups, emailed a bunch - but nothing too serious. After a while, she told me that she had a boyfriend. I was surprised by this, because in all our previous correspondence she had not mentioned him, so I thought this "boyfriend" was actually fiction, invented so that I would leave her alone. And I did - no big deal, no harm, no foul.

But last night, I met the boyfriend. Now, I'm not sure if he's missing a chromosome or if he has an extra one (remember, med school for only one year), but let's just say that he could go out for Halloween ever year as Corky from "Life Goes On" and have the best costume every single year - by far. My friends and I were stunned; the resemblance is startling. I had plenty of time to notice too, as they proceeded to make out all over the bar, much to the delight of my friends who made comments like, "Dude, Corky's making out with your girl again" and "Man, Corky and your girl are getting pretty hot and heavy other there."

Now, I have nothing against retards (my cousin is retarded), but to date one over me is preposterous. And as an added bonus, I have now lost every future argument with my friends:

Me: "Dude, that shirt makes you look like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag."
Friend: "Remember when you lost to Corky?"
All: "OH SNAP!!!"

So what did I do? I gave two junkies $44 (all the money I had, less the $2.50 it would cost me to get a BBQ chicken slice from Rosario's) to follow him home and burn his apartment down. How does that suite you Corky?

Ob-la-fucking-da, prick.

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