Everything is wrong with me
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
I am in the middle of a dry spell with women that literally may kill me. I'm very serious here. I don't know what exactly happened, because I was doing fine and then all of a sudden - wham! Nothing.

I attribute it mostly to the fact that the weather has been miserable, but I know this isn't the case. It's because I'm not smooth. Not even a little bit. The worst part is that I know I'm not smooth, but there's nothing I can do about it. For example, I know that women like it when you ask questions about them. Questions like, "Where are you from?" or "What do you want to do with your life?" or I don't know - other deep questions about politics or religion or art. Not questions like, "Can I buy you another drink?" or "I have some great hashish back at my place - are you interested?" or "Wait a minute - you're on the pill, right?"

I know that some women like guys who wear product in their hair. [Nope] Some like guys who are hipster/artsy-fartsy types. [Not here either] Other women like jocks who work out a lot, or at least a guy who has seen the inside of a gym before. [I can only do girl push-ups] Others like a man with drive, persistence, and passion. [All I want to do is get high and eat lots and lots of General Tso's chicken]

I am sensitive though, which is good. For example, two nights ago (Monday night I guess) I got really high and was watching VH1 Classic, which, by the way, is the greatest channel in television history. At about 2am the video for Roxette's "It Must Have Been Love", from the "Pretty Woman" soundtrack, came on and I just lost it. I was sobbing so loudly that my roommates Ben and Brian had to wake up to console me. The video and song just really touched me. And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

But the good news is that in a week I'm going to London (yes, the London) with my friends. And whenever my friends and I travel together, it becomes an unspoken competition to see who can get an STD the fastest. This time around though I'm going with two guys who have serious girlfriends, so who knows what'll happen. We're meeting my brother (who's currently studying abroad in Spain) over there for the weekend, so maybe he can join me in my lusty endeavors. The problem is that he's much better looking and in much better shape, so immediately I fall into the "chubby older brother with the good personality who's a little creepy because he stares at you just a little too long after you've finished talking" role, a part, if I may add, which I play par excellence.

But we shall see. It's always a whole new set of rules in Europe. Something will happen; whether it is good or bad (or illegal) remains to be seen.

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